To folks that go to Kerr Lake…

An open letter to the folks that travel to and from Kerr Lake.

I certainly appreciate the economic impact that all of you folks with big trucks, SUV’s, boats, campers, etc. make in this area. I really, REALLY want to tell the folks that consistently decide that yards and farm fields that line the highways and roads to the lake are actually large trash dumps how much I appreciate the extra exercise that I get on holiday weekends.

How hard it must be for you to drink all that beer and then decide that your floor-board or passenger area of your spacious vehicle didn’t have enough room to hold the empties until you arrived at your destination. Guess you didn’t see the bag that your beer was purchased in sitting there next to your Wal-mart house brand bags of potato chips and cheap corn cheezes.

And to the person that threw a pair of latex gloves out the window into our ditch…well, let’s just say you’re the reason I keep a pair of latex-free gloves in my truck for just such special occassions. My day was complete.

And how I envy the care-free days when you’re young, drunk, stupid and decide that a sign inviting persons to attend a small country church is a target for long-neck bottles. Silly me for wanting to keep the grass cut around it so that folks will actually know that there’s a church that’s interested in people hearing the Gospel. You’re the reason that I have to take one of my lawn mower tires in this week to have the hole that your broken glass punched in it repaired. Nothing is more fun than to have to change a lawnmower tire when it’s 95 degrees and 140% humidity. I hope that you enjoyed that cool dip in the water while I struggled to see through sweat to put a “c” clamp back on the axle the right way.

And, apparently, those canned and bottled energy drinks are just SO DANG STRONG that you can’t help but sling it as far as you can out the window of your car into a pile of briers and poison ivey that I’ve been working for a month to get rid of but still have some leaves and spurs. You couldn’t be the water boy on the football team but you can sling the heck out of a glass bottle. Bet your Daddy would be so proud!

And to the ladies…I don’t care if it’s in a bag, wrapped up in something or permanently sealed in hard plastic…”hygine” products and baby diapers DO NOT BELONG in a yard or a field. Despite what it says on the package they are NOT easily “bio-degradable”.

This is nothing new to me. With the exception of a couple of years living in town I’ve spent the majority of my life living in houses that are located on roads that go to Kerr Lake. But apparently some of you folks out there weren’t paying attention in elementary school when “Woodsy the Owl” came by to tell you “Give a hoot, don’t pollute”! You were probably too busy sniffing your magic markers during that assembly.

So, in closing, please feel free in the future to allow that beer bottle to roll around freely on the floor-board until you get to the lake. You’ll find that they have these wonderful things there called TRASH CANS where you can deposit all your empties, chip bags, cigarette packs, “4-corner Nab” wrappers, latex gloves , hamburger and hot-dog wrappers, hygene products, empty snuff tins and your kid’s nasty diapers at absolutely no extra charge. I’ll try to manage without them.

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