An Open Letter to the folks that want to be NC Governor…

Dear Democratic Candidates for NC Governor: The majority of us have no idea who most of you are, even the Lt. Governor. In fact, I did a quick survey yesterday and four out of five people surveyed did not even know the State of NC has a Lieutenant Governor. Of course, if my title was “Lieutenant Governor” behind Bev Purdue I would have kept a low profile, too. So when ya’ll start making the Barbecue Circuit don’t be surprised or upset when folks keep looking for Jim Hunt instead. Maybe they should change the name to “Vice Governor” (which sounds like a really good name for a punk rock band…).

Those that we do know either got your butt kicked in your election (Ethridge, Moore) or you have some connection to Mike Easley, Bev Purdue or Bill Clinton. Since Mike and Bev have been in court almost as much as “Big Daddy” Edwards over the last eight years I can tell you that won’t be a positive, even with my “yellow dog” Democrat friends. Bill, well Bill is kinda like butterbeans…some people love him and others hate him depending on their taste. Erskin Boyles, if you decide to run, expect to be called Harry Potter…a lot.

This is a weird year in politics, folks. Republicans cannot buy a viable candidate that doesn’t make me feel like I threw up a little in my mouth after hearing them debate. In NC the Democrats have the first woman governor also be the first governor to not run for re-election since they approved consecutive terms. So when you’re out campaigning, please understand that we as the general public are having as much trouble dealing with the state of politics in the state and nation as Demi Moore has had since Ashton left. I keep waiting for Newt Gynrich to start talking about his “goddesses” and how he has tiger blood.

So please understand the situation you’re getting yourself in. When both one of my most liberal friends, attorney and author J.D. Rhodes, and I both agree that Bev Purdue was a horrible governor and that Newt Gynrich is a condescending, hypocritical fear-monger then things have gotten pretty bad. The President said that we should all be “a team…not playing politics…putting differences aside like the military” while not realizing that military and paramilitary personnel voluntarily give up certain freedoms in order to PROTECT freedoms. So what should be your approach to gain support from the people of NC this year? Running as an Independent might help. Finding an actual Yellow Dog may be a start. Good luck with that.

Sincerely,

Juan Epstein’s Mother (RIP, “Juan”!)